Case of the Package Thief

[palusbuteo]

We've been dealing with a porch-pirate / package thief motherfucker for a few months now.

The apartment management initially tried to investigate and "do something", a while ago, but, nope, stuff still being swiped. Like my package of underwear earlier this week.

Late late last night I just could NOT get to sleep. I started having all kinds of ADHD-Fueled ideas about what to do about it, seeking revenge plots, choosing "violence", passive-aggressive tactics, etc.

I don't have the funds to do what Matt Roper on theyoutube does with apple-track tracking devices set inside glitter-and-stink bombs, and, unfortunately, the city/police doesn't seem to care or are powerless to stop this, don't have our backs.

A few of us in our apartment section have chatted in person and have a very loose mutual "agreement" to bring packages inside the building from the foyer and drop them off at the appropriate doors, and I think just about everyone here has been robbed by now. Muses_realm is thinking it may not even be anyone that lives here, it might be someone roaming by in their car around the time when UPS/FedEx drops off, waits a few minutes, and then cleans up.

Anyway

Of my many Revenge thoughts last night:

- Design and build Matt Roper inspired device that's a hidden camera but disguised as a "Air Quality" sampling device (as we've also had occasional issues with smokers/vapers/dopers smoking in the foyer and then everyone gets to smell the stench), with signs on it that say "Do Not Tamper" and "Do Not Move" that would get mounted or set on the metal shelf that's in the foyer, but would need to get the management co. involved so they know it's going up, and I'd dress up as if I'm from a fake company the management hired to install this, so as not to raise suspicion ...

- I make a decoy package, print out a shipping label (from a fake or one-letter-off company), and then plant it in the corner of the foyer in the afternoon. Then. Wait. Sit on the stairs and listen for the locked door to open, then pretend I'm walking out.

- They like underwear? OK. So, the package of underwear I bought to replace the ratty, stained, old used underwear that they nabbed, well, that's what goes in this decoy package. stained, used underwear.
-- fake company of "Semper Ubi Sububi" (Latin roughly translated as "always wear underwear")
Or have it be from some disgusting used panties e-Girl / Uwu / Anime Girl or whatever they're called

- Stink / Glitter / Combo Bomb (more of Muses_realm)

- Get one of those panic alarm key fobs that will trigger when the fuckers open the package, so if it's someone here in the apartment, everyone will hear it

- Wet Ink / Paint

- Mouse trap that springs as it's pulled out of the package

- make and ship myself a package through the Post Office. Wait a day. set it in the foyer and wait, try to see who it is. Then, report it to the Post Office. (Muses_realm said it's a good idea but more like a drop in the ocean, the PO Inspector may not care)

There were a couple more like these / variations

I did put a call to the management and left them a message.

We (apartment) have on our own tried to put up signs to alter UPS/FedEx to not deliver or drop off here because of the Fucker. But, doesn't seem to have been effective.

I also sent the underwear company a message saying it was stollen. Although I have a bad feeling they're going to do nothing but have me buy a new package, and I'll end up paying twice and they make money

Not sure what really to do.

I've tried to start getting things sent to my art studio, even offered for Muses_realm but she seems defeated enough she won't bother.